Indomie and the art of motorcycle maintenance

"It'll be fine - trust me." Never trust people who say this.

I didn't actually say this when I lead my friend Alanna down a unpaved road, 1 in 3 gradient, on our motorcycle trip to Malakaji. Perhaps I should have - she then could have legitimately turned back. Instead, she dropped the bike twice, the second time breaking the front brake lever off halfway along its length. It's clearly my fault, so I should at least give her a lift back from the workshop a couple of days later after she left her bike there to get it fixed. Little did I know this would turn into a 3 day epic of mechanical incompetence.

View on the way to Malakaji. Worth the trip - not worth the hassle later.

Day 1:

0900 Leave bike at workshop
1200 Return to collect bike. Bike not there - mechanic has taken it for "testing". Via the mosque for Friday prayers. We go for lunch while we wait.
1300 Mechanic returns - he has replaced broken lever with an adjustable one. That can only be used at one of the settings, so not really adjustable. And wobbles, looking like it might fall off. We want a normal one. Normal levers are unobtainable in Jeneponto, says workshop owner man. Assistant turns up 30 seconds later with normal lever from another shop.
1400 Normal lever fitted, all well. Brakes start binding after 2km, so bike won't move at all until it's been allowed to cool.
1500 Back to workshop - mechanic starts to file off part of the brake lever to stop it operating the brakes when not required. He's using the smallest file I've seen outside a manicurist's toolkit. This could take a while.
1530 Newly filed lever fitted - brakes still binding. Front brake caliper stripped, cleaned, rebuilt. Wheel turns freely.
1600 Braking power now vastly reduced - feels a bit like driving my old camper van. Apply in writing for permission to stop at least 5 working days in advance. But not good in Jeneponto traffic. Feels like there's oil on the brakepads - possibly contamination from the vast gouts of lubricant the mechanic was sloshing everywhere around the caliper?
1630 We take the bike to another workshop, the "official" Honda one. Genuine parts, they promise. They check the bike and say it's fine. It's clearly not. We decide to give up for the day - it's already too late for Alanna to get to Makassar tonight. Poor show all round I think.

Day 2:

1000 I return and take bike back to Honda dealer - they check the brakes, still saying it's fine. But just to humour me, they strip and clean the brake pads.
1030 Still not good. They seem now to think the brake lever is the problem - but don't have the correct one in stock. I'll have to go to Takalar or Bantaeng for one - or they can get one for me. It'll take two weeks. Hmmmm.
1100 They find a correct brake lever - but from an old bike, and it's twisted. Fitted - seems to make the brakes a little better.
1800 Final testing of bike. Brakes still don't work. Retire to regroup over fried chicken and beer.

Day 3:

1100 Honda dealer closed, so we go to another workshop. Manage to convince them the brakes aren't good - they agree! Progress. Slosh petrol around (whilst smoking, natch) to get the oil off. Still not good.
1130 I tell them to change the brake pads. They agree. Old ones are glazed - probably from overheating on day 1 when the brakes were binding.
1230 Brakes work! Only 50 hours since starting out.

For sheer this-should-only-take-15-minutes-but-ends-up-taking-three-days annoyance,
this ranks higher than my record 5 visits to the shop to get a working gas cylinder for my cooker. I'm a wholly incompetent amateur mechanic (I once had to araldite a rocker cover in place after shearing the bolts...), and even I know more about bikes than any mechanic in Jeneponto.

How can people be so incompetent? They must practise.